Sunday afternoon: blue skies, warm sunshine and a slight breeze that cut through the warmth. A local reserve, a stunning spot we often visit for walks and to see kangaroos rest lazily on the hills, a quiet place that’s good for the soul.
On this day, we took Abbey’s kite and helped her fly it in the gentle gusts of wind. I lay back and watched it, like a fluorescent rainbow twirling, and smiled at my daughter. She ran and looked up at it in amazement.
Lately, something has hit me with a sudden clarity. I’m seeing my daughter transform before my eyes: from baby to toddler to pre-schooler, if you like labels. In real terms, though, I’m watching her grow up and I’m aware that we need to adjust to her new needs.
Next year marks a big change for my little girl. She’ll be starting pre-school, and with that comes a new set of rules and expectations. I have a sense of unease, not about the pre-school or their program, not about her ability to cope, but about the race that will begin – has already begun – in the minds of others. The expectation that she should learn to read and write, and the sooner the better – and that I should sit with her to teach her such things.
The unease I feel is this sense that the fun is over – now it’s time to get serious. This is her education and I need to do certain things so she can compete in the race.
As parents, we teach, absolutely. Abbey learns about colours while we play games and talk about the things we see. She can count because we count things as we go about our day. She can measure things, because we cook together. She knows about road safety, because we walk every day, about animals because we look around our environment. We are covering the solid bases of literacy when we read stories, when she draws and imitates my writing.
She learns things as we go about our lives.
She’s a clever child, there’s no doubting that – she asks, listens, experiments, understands. But there’s one comment I get more than anything else when people see my girl: “She’s so full of joy”.
When I see that joy, see her doing something as simple as flying a kite on a sunny day, running with bare feet in the soft grass – that’s when I feel like the best parent in the world. I know she feels loved and secure, I can see that she loves life. These things will, I hope, help her enjoy and do well in her formal education when it begins.
All of this has hit me, like an equation finally working out to the correct answer, and I know what I want for my little Abbey. I want the fun to continue, the joy to remain. I couldn’t bear to squash that spirit – probably couldn’t even if we did try. I want her to learn from life.
I don’t want her competing in the race. I want to think long-term, about the foundations we need to set that are far more important than her being able to write her name by a certain age. We will let her teachers take control of her formal education, while remaining involved and supporting that. But we need to what we do best, what only we can do for our girl: parenting her so that she loves, learns and is free.
What are your aims as a parent?
“Parenting her so that she loves, learns and is free” simply so beautiful and so true.
I love that my kids are happy and free too, I call Mr 6 my pick me up tonic and Miss 15 is just such a passionate teen in what ever she does.
Nx
Thank you Nathalie! When I met your Mr 6, I thought he had that same look to him as Abbey – just happy and joyful
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
Years ago when we were learning how to bathe our baby at the hospital, the midwife made it all very complicated with a special hold and a routine for what to wash when. The next night we were panicking in the washroom, trying to put it all together by ourselves. A second midwife popped her head in, saw us in all our panicked glory and simply said, “forget all those silly rules: just get him clean, don’t drown him.”
Long story short, ever since that wonderful lesson, our aim as parents has been to not over-complicate the simple joy of watching our children growing up. We get them clean, we don’t drown them. x
LOVE that message, Bron! There are so many more important focuses as parents than some of that small stuff we often mistake as being so vital. x
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
Learning the fun way is always the best way. Alas, competition is a fact of life these days, but as long as things are learned with fun and laughter as the mixing ingredients – the lessons will be learned, absorbed and remembered!
Good luck – have to say, my husband and I glad not to be bringing up little ones in this harsh day and age!
Isobel Morrell recently posted..Brown Rabbit Plush Furry Glove Puppet
Learning with fun and laughter – that’s the aim. I’m sure not every lesson will be fun as we go, but we’ll try to make things as positive as possible.
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
It can all get so involved, so political, so competitive.
It’s life. Precious, young, abundant life – to be lived and loved.
I love your aims as a parent.
Mum on the Run recently posted..Point + Shoot : Weep + Cry
Thanks!
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
Great post Megan. Abbey will do best when she runs her own race. She is already the beginning of the person she will grow into, so your best bet is to do as you already are: love her, nurture her, don’t hold on too tight and she’ll be absolutely fine. And I’m sure she’ll love pre-school, it’ll open up a whole new world of friendships and learning for her. Enjoy!
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Thanks Karen! I’m very good at the ‘not holding on too tight’ in some parts, but others are a bit of a struggle. I’m sure I’ll learn as I go.
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
Love Bron’s answer. So spot on.
It’s interesting, because we are very big on play and having fun here. Play-based learning will also be a big part of kindergarten at her school next year too, which I’m happy about. Ella does ask to do ABC Reading Eggs online quite regularly. To her, that’s not learning – it’s having fun on the computer with mum. While that is the case, I’m happy to continue.
I’ve changed my attitude quite a bit from Ella to Holly. With Ella I used to (stupidly) stress quite a bit when she didn’t “gets things” as quickly as other children her age. I felt really pressured. With Holly I have been the complete opposite. She will walk, talk, read and write when she’s ready! I enjoy motherhood so much more now. Life is too short!
Kellie @ Three Li’l Princesses recently posted..My Tasmanian Backyard: Wing’s Wildlife Park review
Thanks Kellie – it’s a big learning curve with child number one isn’t it!
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
HI Megan, glad I came across your space, my little one is starting preschool next year and after our meet n greet on the weekend it has all become clear on ‘the next phase’. The C & K she is attending is very big on the play aspect, because really at this age it IS the only way to teach…and in the end we are the best teachers.x
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Hi Karla, thanks for dropping in – looking forward to visiting your blog later this week and seeing what you’re up to these days!
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
I am resisting the urge to write a long comment… you know how I feel, what I believe about this!
All those things you have mentioned – that is teaching, that is learning, and your daughter will be so much better equipped to deal with learning because of it.
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Thanks N – I so appreciated hearing your thoughts on this the other day, and find talking this stuff through really helps clarify how I want to be as a parent. Thanks! x
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
My husband and I don’t have any children yet, but are planning for a child soon. I have no idea how I’ll cope with all the changes that being a parent will bring. I’m so excited for the adventure, but also a little apprehensive. I want to be the best parent I can be. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job!
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Good luck with it all, Laura!
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
That’s gorgeous Megan. We have always had that attitude with our boys and we too have left the formal education to the schools who are doing just fine! We never worried too much about making sure they could read or write before school as it often just didn’t really interest them that much. They much preferred being out kicking a footy or wrestling with each other! When they did get to school they were so ready to start learning and soon caught up to the kids that were reading as 3year olds. And being happy and being able to find joy in life is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids .
Thanks Martine – I think some of these big life lessons, like just enjoying life, really are more important at this point than who learns what the quickest. And hopefully they’ll be able to build upon and rely on those foundations as they grow.
Megan Blandford recently posted..What are your aims as a parent?
A family member of ours has a little girl about 18 months old. And she’s panicking that her daughter won’t be able to keep up with her peers. She was considering enrolling her in those ‘your 3 year old can learn to read’ type programs. This worried me a little.
When I quizzed her about it she came out and said that her parents didn’t really engage with her regarding her schooling and she feels that is has adversely affected her; even now she thinks she’s a little behind the 8 ball in terms of intelligence.
So basically her insecurities were coming through. And company’s like these that advertise that 3 year olds can learn to read really bug me.
Anyway, I told her all she needed was to have books around and the rest will take care of itself.
I could go on forever with this stuff but I won’t.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
It’s such a worry isn’t it – we all want what’s best for our kids, but sometimes our reasons for doing things are a little misguided. We’re all flying blind a bit in this parenting caper!